Jun. 4th, 2012

higure: ((KAT-TUN) Ueda what?)
Today, the day has come for me to be name dropped on a hate meme.

Maybe some other day, I would just shrug it off and move on. But today, it wasn’t the best of Mondays, so I got upset over it.

I mean, I always thought that if I should ever be relevant enough for one of these memes, it would be because of my modding attempts. Otherwise, I feel quite irrelevant in fandom. The last fic I posted out of exchange, for example, got no comments. But I’m not the most lenient mod, and sometimes I wonder if I’m not taking “fandom responsibilities” a bit too far – compared to how some other people view them. But surprisingly, even after the harsher mod runs (and I had a few) people always stayed classy, and I never had a reason to second guess my mod decisions because someone dished them on a hate meme and everyone joined the bandwagon as it happens.

But today someone actually, very helpfully, LINKED me to a silly name drop of mine. And after 4 years of happy fandom oblivion, the one thing that got me mentioned is purely an association with ONE of my friends.

I am a big girl. I’m 26, and perfectly fine with deciding for myself who I’m friends with. What really upsets me is to be defined solely based on the people I associate with. And what upsets me even more is that basically whole KAT-TUN fandom apparently is defined by this. So really, I was upset because there were my friends being talked mean about, there was this whole notion of KAT-TUN fandom being judged, and then there was me being . . . what was it exactly? Looked down on because I don’t know any better?

KAT-TUN fandom is so small lately. Or so I feel. Please stop kicking it while it’s on the ground. I like it; I don’t want people second guessing their involvement because of anything, no matter how insignificant the thread on a hate meme might seem in a big picture.

As for me. I don’t think this is a case and I have faith in my friends. BUT I would like to ask anyone who has issues with me being friends with different people to defriend me. As sad as it is, I would rather not have you on my friends’ list than to have you judging me because of my other friends or even worse to have you pitying me because I am somehow blind or incompetent and can’t chose my friends well.

For all I know, this was one person, and this person doesn’t even know me and just saw me on FTF or Jent or during some exchange posting. But this has been eating away on me because it just has been one of those days.

For what it is worth, you are all my friends because I want you to be, and GREAT chances are I was the one friending you. I really do hope you can like me even if I am easily susceptible to fandom favors.

<3

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higure

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