higure: ((KAT-TUN) Ueda what?)
[personal profile] higure
Today, the day has come for me to be name dropped on a hate meme.

Maybe some other day, I would just shrug it off and move on. But today, it wasn’t the best of Mondays, so I got upset over it.

I mean, I always thought that if I should ever be relevant enough for one of these memes, it would be because of my modding attempts. Otherwise, I feel quite irrelevant in fandom. The last fic I posted out of exchange, for example, got no comments. But I’m not the most lenient mod, and sometimes I wonder if I’m not taking “fandom responsibilities” a bit too far – compared to how some other people view them. But surprisingly, even after the harsher mod runs (and I had a few) people always stayed classy, and I never had a reason to second guess my mod decisions because someone dished them on a hate meme and everyone joined the bandwagon as it happens.

But today someone actually, very helpfully, LINKED me to a silly name drop of mine. And after 4 years of happy fandom oblivion, the one thing that got me mentioned is purely an association with ONE of my friends.

I am a big girl. I’m 26, and perfectly fine with deciding for myself who I’m friends with. What really upsets me is to be defined solely based on the people I associate with. And what upsets me even more is that basically whole KAT-TUN fandom apparently is defined by this. So really, I was upset because there were my friends being talked mean about, there was this whole notion of KAT-TUN fandom being judged, and then there was me being . . . what was it exactly? Looked down on because I don’t know any better?

KAT-TUN fandom is so small lately. Or so I feel. Please stop kicking it while it’s on the ground. I like it; I don’t want people second guessing their involvement because of anything, no matter how insignificant the thread on a hate meme might seem in a big picture.

As for me. I don’t think this is a case and I have faith in my friends. BUT I would like to ask anyone who has issues with me being friends with different people to defriend me. As sad as it is, I would rather not have you on my friends’ list than to have you judging me because of my other friends or even worse to have you pitying me because I am somehow blind or incompetent and can’t chose my friends well.

For all I know, this was one person, and this person doesn’t even know me and just saw me on FTF or Jent or during some exchange posting. But this has been eating away on me because it just has been one of those days.

For what it is worth, you are all my friends because I want you to be, and GREAT chances are I was the one friending you. I really do hope you can like me even if I am easily susceptible to fandom favors.

<3

Date: 2012-06-04 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maiamcw.livejournal.com
<3 <3

I don't know why anyone else cares who I like as long as I'm not going out of my way to be mean to the people I don't like.

I don't know what who I'm friends with has to do with what I write... Or if it's wrong for me to want to write things FOR the people I like simply because I like them, if there is a connection. Am I supposed to write to please strangers I don't even know read what I write, or a friend who constantly supports me? I mean, I write for myself, but if I didn't want people to read it, I wouldn't post it. And the people who take the time to tell me "hey, I like that," or "hey, buddy, i love the way you wrote Shige here, more Shige!" or the people I, you know, watch cons with or write WITH... Of course I'm going to drift in that direction.

I don't know, I found a lot of it really insulting, but at the same time, I take solace in the fact that I've made great friends in this fandom, even if it's also the meanest fandom i've ever delurked in.
Edited Date: 2012-06-04 10:03 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-06-04 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ryogrande.livejournal.com
i love you and i am so, so sorry you have to deal with this just by being my friend.

thank you for staying with me.

Date: 2012-06-06 02:34 pm (UTC)
snowaltz: (Maruda gentle)
From: [personal profile] snowaltz
We're not LJ friends per say but I really enjoy your fanfics. Just want to let you know again :)

Date: 2012-06-06 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ryogrande.livejournal.com
thank you. :)

Date: 2012-06-05 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] creamy-amande.livejournal.com
Like I told you on twitter, I don't even understand people who CREATE hate meme. Just the low parts of being human, people just like to bash others to feel good. SO go on and enjoy yourself while your orgasm hurting people.
Buckle up Sash, fuck'em off!

Date: 2012-06-05 11:22 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-06-06 02:33 pm (UTC)
snowaltz: (Maruda love)
From: [personal profile] snowaltz
I've one word to describe hate meme: Hateful.

Please don't bother yourself with them, not worth the negative emotions *huggles*

I personally think you're fun and I'm glad you friended me back when I asked, thank you <3 And I wanna say again that I enjoy your fanfics!

Date: 2012-06-15 08:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lastingdreams8.livejournal.com
*huggles*
Sorry for being late, but I just wanted to say that no matter what anyone else says, you've been a great person and friend as long as I have known you (even if it's not as long as some other people xD). Screw the people who judge you based on fandom choices, they don't know you at all <3

Date: 2012-06-16 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sablenoir4.livejournal.com
sending some zen colours to you.. and should probably leave it there, like bellemelody's sweetness, but here are some words.
i drifted this way after re-reading your last ryoda - still there, still awesome - and oh. hmm. nasty.
now i'm not your lj 'friend' as such. just appreciated your fic, & got a reply off a comment. but gosh this. is so not helpful. all of the above comments. and just. sometimes you just need to have a metaphorical cleansing bath after things get chucked at you huh? so here's to that.
read on a school board recently: 'don't throw mud - you'll have dirty hands'. but here, the mud originates inside these ppl, then splashes out and over. but then, that's their shit. not yours.
so yeah, just wanted to send something.
thanks again for the fics.
stay safe, stay well. peace out.. x sammi

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